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HEALING

תמונה קשורה
by Michael Grab

It’s been a week since I could write or play or paint. I can’t really explain why – one day I just woke up and my muse was gone. It’s funny because a week ago I’d been so stormed with emotion, I couldn’t stop writing, playing, singing, painting. As if a war was going on inside my mind, full of screams and gunshots. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was just thinking. And then, in one breath, it was all gone. The screams and the gunshots and the mess, they all went back to their place. The storm had passed, the war had ended, and I was left to clear the pile of bodies they left behind.

The past week has been ruled by fear and insecurity, trapped by imbalance. I’ve been worried and afraid, I’ve gone in and out of my comfort zone, but creativity has left me. The storm has been so consuming, that it has left a void behind. Seems like I’ve forgotten how to dream. I’ve been incredibly present and practical for the past few days, but imagination, float, and wonder have left me.

And as my mind is tired and overwhelmed so is my body – I’m getting tired, and heavy, and clumsy, and frustrated – a rag, as my father would so shamelessly declare. Pimples are starting to wake up from their hibernation and expose their heads in full glory.

I’m surrounded by negativity that doesn’t seem willing to go away. Well, I hear spending the day around dead bodies can have such an influence on you… I’m trying to move, start clearing the area, but I feel like right now all I can do is stare at the damage with shock.

So maybe, all I need right now is give my mind a little rest, a chance to rejuvenate, to resurrect. I feel the change at the door step. The change I’ve been so willing to welcome into my life. But first, I need to wrap up the loose ends. Fix and mend and smooth everything. I need to treat the ground with love, uproot the dead in order to revive it. Until then, I’m going to face fear and negativity head on.

I’m going to try and find the inherent good in every living being, and find my faith, and balance.

I will dearly appreciate any tips and comments, and any thoughts of your own about the subject. Thank you.

AUTOPILOT

My mind is empty

A void in my body

When do I start living?

I’ve set myself a path

But now it’s long gone

Whispers in the air

Mumbles in my soul.

Remember when we used to laugh uncontrollably, our faces tilted towards the sun,

When we used to have real conversations?

When we cried and smiled, and hugged and felt?

I shall never forget.

Autopilot

I work on autopilot

No one will ever know

I’ve taken so many breaths

But how many moments have taken my breath away?

Autopilot.

I laugh, I cry, I shout.

Autopilot

And they will never know

Youth in me

Surprise.

The train has left me at the station

No map, no direction.

I gues I’ll just let myself create a new path, then

Autopilot

Make it count.

תמונה קשורה

***

This little poem was written in about 3-5 minutes. It was incredibly, completely therapeutic, the words just spilled out of me when I thought I had nothing to write and was about to go to bed. I didn’t even realize what I was writing until I read it afterwards haha. It was amazing. No editing, no nothing. It had been the most amazing therapy.

Would love to hear what you have to say, and if you’ve ever experienced anything like it, too.

Thank you, dearly.

Kai 😉

LULLABY

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪howl's moving castle valley‬‏
from howl’s moving castle

Wipe away your tears, my girl,

Tomorrow is a better day.

Just lay down here and close your eyes

And everything will be okay.

Today may not have gone as planned

But tomorrow, you will find your way

Just listen to my voice, my darling,

Let it be your silent pray.

You might be far away from home

But you’ll be back for Saturday

I know you’re tired, but look ahead!

We’re almost there so don’t you stray.

There’s nothing that you cannot handle,

So know your path and don’t walk astray,

All you need is to have a little faith

That you can do whatever you convey.

You are not alone, my love

I will never run away

And maybe I could make you happy

If you’d only let me stay.

 

NEW AND IMPROVED

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪abandoned teddy bear‬‏

You were my soft spot

Crawled under my skin unannounced

Changed me without so much as a heads up.

You’ve created a new and improved version of me

 

Made me grow up and open my eyes to a brave new world

You’ve made me bolder, stronger

You’ve led me right here, to this moment

And for that I’ll forever be in your debt.

But you’ve also torn me to shreds.

Stretched and pulled and twisted

Squeezed out every drop that was left of me

Taken away

Piece by piece,

Unnoticed

Until there was nothing left

But your creation –

New and improved.

And then, when there was no more to be done

When you’ve gotten to know every part of your new creation

When it was finished

You’ve left.

You were my best friend

But my worst enemy, too.

A skilled thief.

I could never hate you

But I hope you could understand me when I say

Sometimes I wish I could forget you.

 

SILENCE.

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪silence‬‏
taken from: https://preachingfriars.org/2016/09/30/silence-and-equality/

“I’m not sure whether it had been really noisy or completely silent”, I used to tell my mother everyday I came back from preschool.

I remember the feeling in my mind. I’d never encountered so much noise before in my life, and unfortunately for me, the worst had yet to come. But the noise was so loud, that I couldn’t hear anything at all. It was as if I were standing in the midst of a storm, and everything was perfectly still. The noise was so loud that it became just… nothing.

That’s when I’ve discovered the thin line between silence and noise. And that’s when I’ve learnt to live with the silence. Silence that surrounds me like a halo, following me wherever I go. Protecting me from the silence of the outside world.

I’ve grown to love and trust my silence, and resent those who break it. Because the silence of the outside world is so unbearably paralyzing, and my halo abundant and bullet-proof.

Within the borders of my silence I could be anything and everywhere. I could be sitting on a rocking chair in front of the warm fireplace, or running naked through a meadow. I could be a dolphin, exploring the depths, or a bird, sailing through the sky.

But there is one thing my silence could never fulfill. My silence could never break the loneliness. You see, within the borders of my silence I’m alone. Isolated. My silence have grown walls so mighty, that it’s getting harder and harder to get in. or out.

Loneliness is scary. Full of silence, or rather, noise.

As the years have passed I’ve learned to keep it all inside. Silence myself and keep on going. But the walls are starting to crack under the pressure. And it’s even more terrifying than the loneliness, but I couldn’t go on like that forever.

Avoidance is not coping. Sometimes you’ve just got to man up and face up to your problems, your fears. For me, it’s my emotions. They are so messy, so noisy, that I can’t listen to any of them. I’m in the midst of the storm, and everything is perfectly still.

Silence is a beautiful thing. A beast that cannot be tamed. It can creep through the tiniest of holes, unnoticed, and suddenly fill up the room with noise. It can break cities and win wars. It is a compound of all emotions, like white is a compound of all colors. It is a swirl of fear and passion and rapture. A stormy sea and a peaceful sky. Silence is the language of the divine.

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪wonderful world‬‏
photo by Hipsterbanana: http://imgur.com/gallery/8Gltx

FREEDOM IS A STATE OF MIND

There’s a little sparrow on my tree, looking at the world below

Lifting its head towards the sun, it spreads its wings, prepares to go

The tree stands lonely, so it seems, no one’s there to prevent the fall

So I run outside, my palms open wide, trying to withhold the blow.

 

But the sparrow never lands in my hands, it shoots back like a cannonball

It’s so tiny and has no guidance, and the tree so mighty and so tall

The world is a dangerous place, and the treetop is now the only sanctuary

So the little sparrow stays up there, waiting for help in its way to stroll.

 

Sometimes I hear its desperate cries, at nights it gets a little scary

When no one is watching it spreads its wings, but alas, it’s still a little wary

It doesn’t know there’s someone out there, watching its every motion

For as much as it knows, it’s alone in the world, it has no godmother fairy.

 

As the days pass by, it seems like the little sparrow will never cross the ocean

It keeps on trying, though at night it’s still crying, it just doesn’t get the notion

Until one day I wake up to the sweetest song in the world, a song of glee

My sparrow stands erect on the tree, spreading its wings wide with devotion.

 

As it takes a leap of faith off its safe haven, in my heart I plea

For my tiny little sparrow to find its way into the bright blue sky, for my sparrow to flee

It’s probably a little selfish but I almost don’t want him to be leaving

But the thought fades as he expands, ascends up high, finally free.

 

I’ve never heard a voice as pure as my sparrow’s singing

Sometimes I dream about it, in my dark moments to its song I’m clinging

But it was time for it to go and explore, find its place, and for me to start believing

When the wind rises it is time for us to start living.

 

***

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth‬‏

I’ve always thought that if I’d been any animal in my past life I would have been a bird. I’m just attracted to them, for some reason. They are alone in the sky, traveling with no pupose, seeing everything there is to see from up above.

Fun fact – in Hebrew, the word sparrow also means freedom (Dror).

I’d love to hear your opinion, and also, if you’d like, which animal you think you would have been in your past life.

Thank you for reading.

SEPTEMBER SONG

Someday, everything will be okay.

Something inside you will click, and you’ll just know.

Your bruises might turn into scars,

Your eyes might never gain back their innocence,

You might scream and fall and be shattered to pieces,

And the pain might never really go away,

But one day, you’ll find a way to co-exist.

There is still good in the world, and someday you’ll find it.

In the midst of the storm, you’ll find peace.

And even though you might never be yourself again

You’ll be complete, in a way you weren’t before.

Someday, you’ll look back

And realize

That all that had happened

All your successes and all your failures,

All your highs and lows,

They were all just moments

That had led you to this magical place right here.

Someday,

You’ll find power in your heart

To forgive.

***

This poem is dedicated to this song, which I love so much. I find hope in it, for new beginnings, happiness, and foregivness. It is so simple, yet holds so much emotion, as I’ve tried to capture in this little poem. I hope you enjoyed. Thank you.

תוצאת תמונה עבור ‪VINTAGE BLOSSOM‬‏