I’ve been looking for you ever since my big head has made its way into this world –
Big brains come with big dreams.
You were always out of my reach,
A big wild threat above my head
Teasing me mercilessly
Leading me in circles.
Isolated among gray crowds I’ve wandered,
Looking for comfort in the weak
But grayness spreads like the flue
And soon my big brain full of big dreams has become
A big brain infected with broken hopes and cries of despair.
You’ve led me to walk the most slippery ice
Any wrong movement and I’d be shattered to pieces.
Away from the roars of the mechanic jungle I’ve strayed,
Open skies above my head and soft earth beneath my feet
It was the closest to you I’d ever gotten, out there in the mountains
My brain full of fog and my eyes full of tears
Sometimes I could even grasp shivers of you
But cunning as you were
They had wickedly slipped out of my tight hold
And I was left there on the cold ground, crying for them to wait.
Alone in the wilderness with no guidance but my legs and my desperate brain
Fighting the loneliness and misery, ignoring my directions
Dancing on my own
I’ve kept on walking, listening to myself, yet ignoring me completely.
And maybe you’ve noticed that I was lost and away
Cause on my way back I’ve found something. Someone.
And together we hunted pieces of you, swirling in the atmosphere
They were here and there and everywhere
For a while I actually thought – here you are!
But you can’t light a fire with rotten trees
And soon enough, you’ve gone as far away as can be.
And with you so have we and us and she, and I was left an I.
Alone with a desperate brain, that was now left with one lonely dream.
And a body full of black holes, and memories.
And just as I was about to give up on my quest
Just as I was about to leave, and never come back
Silence had spread like fire.
Consuming every fraction of my brain, every thought and dream, and pain
The fly that was nagging in my ear had finally flew away
Funny, I didn’t even know it was there, but so relieved I was by its farewell
I could suddenly see the fountain that had been hidden behind the bushes of memories and expectations
Following my compass, I’ve crossed the bridge that had always been there
The bridge that had led me to you.
You were there, waiting for me with your arms open wide.
And without a warning I ran to your arms,
Leaving my punched body behind, along with my useless self,
Never to come back again.