It’s been a week since I could write or play or paint. I can’t really explain why – one day I just woke up and my muse was gone. It’s funny because a week ago I’d been so stormed with emotion, I couldn’t stop writing, playing, singing, painting. As if a war was going on inside my mind, full of screams and gunshots. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was just thinking. And then, in one breath, it was all gone. The screams and the gunshots and the mess, they all went back to their place. The storm had passed, the war had ended, and I was left to clear the pile of bodies they left behind.
The past week has been ruled by fear and insecurity, trapped by imbalance. I’ve been worried and afraid, I’ve gone in and out of my comfort zone, but creativity has left me. The storm has been so consuming, that it has left a void behind. Seems like I’ve forgotten how to dream. I’ve been incredibly present and practical for the past few days, but imagination, float, and wonder have left me.
And as my mind is tired and overwhelmed so is my body – I’m getting tired, and heavy, and clumsy, and frustrated – a rag, as my father would so shamelessly declare. Pimples are starting to wake up from their hibernation and expose their heads in full glory.
I’m surrounded by negativity that doesn’t seem willing to go away. Well, I hear spending the day around dead bodies can have such an influence on you… I’m trying to move, start clearing the area, but I feel like right now all I can do is stare at the damage with shock.
So maybe, all I need right now is give my mind a little rest, a chance to rejuvenate, to resurrect. I feel the change at the door step. The change I’ve been so willing to welcome into my life. But first, I need to wrap up the loose ends. Fix and mend and smooth everything. I need to treat the ground with love, uproot the dead in order to revive it. Until then, I’m going to face fear and negativity head on.
I’m going to try and find the inherent good in every living being, and find my faith, and balance.
I will dearly appreciate any tips and comments, and any thoughts of your own about the subject. Thank you.