I’ve always felt different. I know how cliché and egocentric that sounds. I know that everybody is different. I mean to say, I’ve never been a leader nor a follower. I’ve always had my own game going on. A lone wolf then, if you will.
I never got along well with people my age. We just didn’t seem to have the same interests, same agenda. When I was little I used to seclude myself in books, imagining a different life for myself, in a different world where I belonged. I’ve had a friend or two, but I was like the ugly duckling, that no one wanted to go near.
After some time I’ve had enough of being the weird outcast. So I pretended to be someone that I wasn’t in order to blend in. Pretty much like the rest of them. And suddenly I had plenty of friends and no time for myself. I thought I was doing great. But the minute I moved to another school, it was as if the elusion had faded. My former life became an onerous, and I left it behind at once.
It took me some time to find myself again. I didn’t go near a book for years, since some kids used to bully me for reading. I almost forgot how to be myself, I couldn’t let go of the act for a long time.
I feel like myself again now, and I’m doing what I love, without shame.
I haven’t had a bad life. Not many bad things have happened to me. I don’t suffer from any mental illnesses (not that I know of, at least). That’s not where I’m coming from. I just write from me. Genuinely. Finally.
I’m 17 years old. I’m vegan. I’m an INFP. And this is me discovering “myself” again.
I’ve been thinking, I’m definately not ashamed for writing, but I wouldn’t stand it if anyone I knew stumbled upon my blog and knew all these things about me and my feelings (yes, a bit paranoid, I agree), but I was thinking, it would be nice to still have a name to go by.
So what do you say about Kai? I like it’s flow. I think I’ll go for Kai Amal.